Don’t Let What Others Might Think of You Dictate Your Actions — Here’s Why
We know the feeling all too well. You’re sitting in class, debating on whether to raise your hand and answer the question asked by the teacher. You know the answer — at least, you think you do. You can’t escape the thought of giving your answer and people thinking it was “obvious.” Or even worse, giving the wrong answer and having people think very little of you.
As this internal battle continues, someone raises their hand and answers the question. Yup, it’s the one you had — the right answer. And now you’re mad at yourself for not speaking out because you were focused on the possibility of embarrassment. A silly reason, really.
Fixating on what others will think about you or your actions is something we’ve all struggled with at some point in our lives. And although it’s a fundamental lesson I’m sure you’ve heard several times before, it’s beneficial to reinforce it to highlight the damage it can have on the self.
When we rely on others’ opinions and use them to influence our decision-making, we focus on unfriendly outcomes instead of positive ones. In the classroom scenario, the decision to not answer the teacher’s question was influenced by a fear of being embarrassed and people having bad thoughts about you. These are negative possibilities. Positive possibilities could include:
- Giving the correct answer and receiving a boost of confidence
- Giving a controversial response, starting a lively debate, and learning more in the process
- Giving a wrong answer, feeling embarrassed, and using the motivation to avoid future embarrassment to come to class better prepared next time
Even in the outcomes that can make us feel uncomfortable, there is always a positive side. Yet, many of us tend to concentrate on what could go wrong.
Focusing on what others may think means focusing on fear. This fear can be a significant factor stopping us from taking risks, inside and outside the classroom. Is taking risks necessary? Absolutely.
First of all, if you don’t take risks, you will never fail. Yes, failing is necessary. It builds character. It can push you to work harder to ensure you don’t make the same mistake again.
Any successful stand-up comedian would tell you that part of their success comes from the many times they have “bombed” on stage. Essentially, you have to know how failure feels before you can gain the motivation to prevent it. Preventing this disappointment is how we become better versions of ourselves.
Another reason taking risks is imperative is that failing to do so won’t lead to opportunities. Avoiding pulling the trigger on things due to fear of what others may think will hold you back on making decisions that could change your life for the better. If you give in to this fear, you may never reach your full potential and succeed.
Caring too much about what others think can also be detrimental to your self-esteem. Focusing on others’ thoughts to your actions is like looking at yourself from the outside. When this perspective is unfavourable, you will discourage yourself from following through with decisions. This is a confidence killer. The more you view yourself in this light, the less belief you will have in yourself and your abilities.
It’s understandable letting fear of what others may think influence our decisions. Still, by putting it into perspective, we can see it’s actually quite illogical.
Focusing too much on what others may think means we are focusing on something that has not yet happened. We don’t know exactly what will happen before making our decisions, so why allow what someone may think as a determinant for your actions. This is simply unreasonable.
Ignoring what others think of you is required for personal growth. You cannot invest in yourself if you are fixated on others.
I was reluctant to start writing and especially sharing my work because I was nervous about what others might think. Unfortunately, there is a lot of negativity in this world. It’s not uncommon to come across many dream-crushing opinions.
The truth is, however, you can’t control what others will think and say. Therefore, negativity will always be something we’ll have to face in our lives. And this is the realization I had that motivated me to share my thoughts through writing: it’s better to welcome negativity and failure by trying to achieve our goals than to protect ourselves from such things and not take those risks.
In the end, we cannot allow things that are out of our control dictate our actions. We may as well shoot for the stars because it’s impossible to escape adversity.
Next time you’re faced with a decision and find yourself caught up in what others might think, consider some positive outcomes that could result instead of concentrating solely on negative ones.
For example, before I decided to write and share my work, I had negative thoughts that some people may think it would be a “waste of time” or that there’s “no point.” I then countered those possibilities with these positive ones:
- My writing skills could improve
- It could be a fun hobby throughout the winter
- I could share some personal knowledge that may be useful for others
- I could learn more about certain subjects I choose to write about
Essentially, there were more positive outcomes than the initial negative ones. Additionally, I realized writing would be beneficial for me, and fixating on others was only keeping me from bettering myself.
It’s easy to get caught up in what can go wrong because fear is a big factor holding us back. However, I bet you next time you start worrying about the possible consequences of an action that there will actually be more positive things that could happen. Don’t let negativity influence your decisions. Focus on the positive, invite opportunity, and embrace the failures. It’s how you will grow.
It’s better to welcome negativity and failure by trying to achieve our goals than to protect ourselves from such things and not take those risks.